Chapter 17 – You Got Trolled

“How could it be? How could Q have lost to these… whelps?” Rick stared at Q’s body with wide eyes, trembling in what might have been fear. It could have been rage, too. Or even a heart attack or a bouts of the trembling trembles. “After I came this far… I was nearly there!”

“Fortenra! That was awesome!” yelled Ismaru, grabbing his friend by the shoulders. “What was it?”

“T… that’s…” stammered Fortenra, a shocked expression on his face. Was the young man horrified by the extent of his true power? Or had he just murdered someone he knew? Or…

“What’s the matter, Fortenra?” Sensing something wrong, Aine (having reverted back from Opal) asked Fortenra, concern in her eyes.

“That’s fucking impossible! I didn’t do anything! The wire floated out of my hands, and I hadn’t even infused it with Decay or something! The fucker couldn’t have died from being TOUCHED by a strand of wire!” roared Fortenra, in disbelief and anger. “This is fucking bullshit!”

“…” With wide eyes, everyone in the room looked at the body of Q, laying on the floor with his arms spread and his legs together, in the shape of a cross. Or a person being crucified. Like that Mexican hippy who was said to be the son of God.

Noticing the change and tension in the air, Q opened his eyes and blinked a few times, but made no attempt to move. Instead, the man opened his mouth, and delivered a monologue that would have shamed the greatest writers in history. “Alas, I have been defeated by mere youths! Death is the price I was forced to pay for my hubris! My cold, dead corpse shall grace these concrete floors- seriously, you couldn’t get some fucking carpets? – forever! In the future, they shall write of me as a warrior with no equal, a man of integrity and honor, an intellect who was not accepted in his time… and an unmatched lover, who taught many, many, many, many, MANY women the joy of orgasms!”

Aine and Toastie, being proper (?), delicate (?), and sensitive (?) young girls, blushed at Q’s words.

With a deft movement, Q got onto his feet and wiped the dust off his clothes with a mournful expression on his face. Then, in a flash, he was standing in front of Fortenra, patting the young man on the shoulder. “Bravo! Bravo! The fates have bestowed upon you the powers to defeat me! This was no mere chance”, he continued, putting an emphasis on the word chance, “but your innate talent! As the victor of this sordid affair, you have the right to the spoils of war! Salvage my corpse and take what you find!”

“…” Fortenra, like everyone else, was too shocked to do anything.

Q rummaged through his pockets with his right hand, while holding Fortenra’s palm with his left. Then, as everyone watched, he piled Fortenra’s palm with various objects, talking while he did. “This was a pen given to me by my deceased adoptive father, who swore on his grave that he would watch over me in heaven. Ah, adoptive father of mine, how I miss you! I shall be meeting you soon, as I too, have met my maker! This pen holds many dear memories for me, but I am dead! Dead! The dead have no need for pens, for what is a pen but a device to write things with?”

“… This is a pen that you can buy in any fucking market for less than a dollar,” remarked Ismaru.

“Ah, is that so? Well, never mind, then,” exclaimed Q, throwing the pen to the ground, where it broke in half. Truly, it was a pen of shoddy quality. “I also give you the spare change I have in my pocket, a coupon for a ticket to the zoo that expired a month ago, a few exploding pellets filled with ketchup – they’re for seasoning food, I swear! – some pieces of lint and string to make up for the loss of your wires, a miniature model of Aron from The Epic Tales of Kimberly – it’s a limited collector’s item! – and a crumpled up piece of paper with nothing written on it!”

“Holy fuck, it’s a crumpled up piece of paper with nothing written on it!” In excitement, Toastie grabbed the crumpled up piece of paper with nothing written on it and hugged it tightly – or as tight as you could hug a crumpled up piece of paper with nothing written on it, which isn’t very – while her friends gaped at her with open mouths and eyes. Save Fortenra, who was looking at the miniature model of Aron. It seemed as if he rather liked the figurine. “… What?”

In another split second, Q was standing in front of Rick, his former employer. Sobbing, he hugged the man before letting forth another volley of words. “Rick, my man, what can I say? We had a good run! I’m sorry I couldn’t have protected you! But be assured, I did try my best! I fought hard and I fought long! I gave it my all! Even when things seemed their darkest, I was simply no match for these prodigal fighters! Please don’t worry about burying my body! I am content to rot forever, to pay for my sin of not being able to do my job! Oh, and I know that you’re a kind man who’ll support my family after my death! Ah, see here,” Q picked up a case full of money and took it for himself, “you have already considered it! I am moved and touched, dear friend! My adoptive father will need the money, seeing as he lost his job and-”

“Wait, didn’t your adoptive father die?” asked Ismaru, his hand up in the air.

“I have two adoptive fathers! Maybe even three! Who knows? Either way, this money shall be used to support my adoptive father, my wife, my children and two random old people in a home for the elderly! Now, don’t mind me! Carry on with your business! I am but a hindrance to you all, so I make my leave! Also, remember to leave by the back door next to the chair! Ta da! Farewell! Good bye! Au revoir! Wiedersehen! Tally-ho! Sayonara! Aloha! Adios, amiiiiiiiiigooooooosssss~” finished Q, as he ran out the front door. He was soon a spec in the distance, leaving nothing but confusion and bewilderment in his wake. Truly, Q was the troll of trolls.

“…” The group stared at darkness that Q had disappeared into, but only for a short while. In the end, the four friends agreed that it would be best for their mental sanity and health if they didn’t dwell on the matter, and turned their attention to Rick.

“So…” Toastie’s hands were burning, burning, burning. “You tried to sell me, you fucking son of a bitch. Time to pay for your actions, right, Rick?”

A shiver went down Rick’s spine.

—

“Hirun, wake up.” A faint voice, calling to him. Yet, everything remained dark. Where…

“Mmmmm… just lemme sleep a bit longer…” Hirun ignored the voice and rolled the other way, trying to grasp on the few blissful moments that came to those being woken up from a deep sleep. However, the voice was not the type of voice to let Hirun do what he wanted.

“Get the fuck up, you jackass!”

THWACK!

“AGH!” A jolting pain on his side caused Hirun to sit up abruptly, coming face to face with a leg. Well, in that case, would it not be face to leg with a leg? It wasn’t as if the leg had a face painted on it, or God forbid, an actual face. It was just a leg. And connected to that leg was… “Oh, hi, Q. Whazup?”

“Job’s over, moron. Kashi’s dead, Philip is dead – or at least I hope he is, seeing as being alive in his current state would be worse than death itself – and I’m dead. You’re all that’s left. Therefore, you’ve got to live! Live, young man, for the rest of us!” With that, Q pulled Hirun up to his feet, and began walking towards the exit of the room, not bothering to wait for the Emperor of Sound.

Rubbing his eyes, Hirun followed Q, still half-asleep. “So, Kashi and Philip and you’re dead, huh… Wait. You’re dead?”

Q nodded. “I’m dead. Therefore, I can’t fight for Rick anymore. And this money is to support my family.”

Hirun smiled. “You are one devious fucker, Q.”

“I’m insulted.” With a shocked expression – though to be truthful, only his mouth and eyes could be seen, as the rest of his face was covered by a mask – Q put a hand to his heart. “I have lived my entire life on the values of decency and truth! Lying to someone is a foreign concept to me! What makes you think that I’m the sort of cruel villain who’d cheat his employee out of money simply because he was too lazy to fight! What makes you think that I’m aim a kick at a young man’s wires just to make it seem like my demise was totally by accident? What makes you think that I’d just set off a few exploding packets of ketchup to make it seem like I got totally owned, just so that I could take advantage of the chaos to steal some money? I am insulted, Hirun, insulted!”

“Sure, why not?” Hirun sighed. No use trying to reason with Q. It was then that he sensed it. “Shit!”

“… And who might you be?” Q looked at the man standing in front of the warehouse with narrowed eyes.

“I’m… uh… Gambol. Yeah, that’s it. Gambol.” Scratching his head with a dazed look on his face, Gambol opened his eyes. Apparently, he had fallen asleep while standing in front of the door hinge. Blinking a few times to clear his vision, he looked up. “So, I don’t suppose you have the girl with you? I was sent to pick her up.”

“Sorry, dude, mission’s over. I died.” Q smiled, and attempted to push his way past Gambol. A bad idea. Gambol’s foot caught him in the chest, and Q went flying across the room, smashing into a wall. As the dust cleared, a great deal of dollar bills flew around in the air, and Q pulled himself out of the wall, irritated. Despite the force of the blow, Q did not seem to be hurt; it seemed as if the suitcase had taken the brunt of the attack. Looking at the busted suitcase in sadness, Q sighed. “Now I have to kill you. Hirun, you may go.”

“Sure, why not?” Noticing Gambol blocking his way, Hirun brought out one of his bells – he had picked up the ones he had used before the rest were destroyed by Ismaru – and threw it at Gambol’s head. The man moved his head to the side, and there was a jingle. Appearing behind Gambol, Hirun began to walk away, waving his had to Q as he did. “Bye, man! Had fun working with you!”

“… I don’t think I should be letting you get away.” Gambol held his hand up, and a lance of ice formed in the air. He aimed it at Hirun, preparing to send the unwitting young man to his doom. Before he could do so, however…

THUD!

Q’s fist collided with Gambol’s face, sending him sprawling on the floor. The masked man grinned. “Revenge, bitch.”

Gambol sighed. “Now I have to kill you.”

“… Weren’t you already planning to do that?”

“… Oh, yeah.” Gambol scratched his head.

—

The burnt corpse of Rick added a bit of decorum to the otherwise gloomy room, and the stench of burning flesh caused Ismaru’s stomach to rumble, while giving Aine a green face. Toastie looked at her latest masterpiece, and smiled. “I think, and I might be a bit biased here, that I’m the greatest fucking artist ever.”

“A bit?” Ismaru looked at Toastie incredulously.

“A bit.” Toastie nodded.

“Heh. A limited collector’s model of Aron.” Fortenra smiled down at his newfound treasure fondly, and wrapped it around Toastie’s crumpled up piece of paper with nothing written on it in order to protect it from the elements. Putting it in his pocket, the young man turned to Toastie, and sighed. “Look, Toastie, I’m sorry I was insensitive about Jolly Bastard Jim’s death. Really, I am.”

“… Say what now?” Toastie stared Fortenra, confused.

“… You don’t remember why you got angry at me, do you.” This was not a question, but rather a declaration of resignation. “Ah, whatever. Let’s get goi-”

BZZZT.

The four youngsters looked up at the big screen that had suddenly appeared in the middle of the room. And in the big screen was…

“… Who the fuck are you?” asked Ismaru, glaring at the figure who had appeared on the screen. The figure appeared to be in a dark room, seeing as none of them could make out what he looked like.

“Ah, I see you’ve killed Rick. What a pity. I was so hoping that he’s succeed this time, so that I could get my hands on the Phoenix Heart. But, a loss is a loss. I suppose that I’ll have another chance to get a hold of that power.”

“Like I said, who the FUCK are you?” demanded Ismaru, annoyed.

“Now, it wouldn’t be so amusing if I gave you my identity right away, would it? I shall, however, leave you with a clue that might help you realize who I am. Ta ta for now!” The figure disappeared from the screen, and was replaced by a large number of signs, letters and numbers in a complex order. After three seconds, the symbols flickered, then vanished off the screen, which promptly exploded. The shrapnel managed to miss Fortenra, Aine and Ismaru, while burying themselves into Toastie’s body.

“Huh. You got the thing memorized, Ismaru?”

“Yeah, dude.” Ismaru conveniently happened to have a photographic memory, and his training as a ninja had given him a vision and reading speed that far surpassed the majority. “I got it all here.”

“Then… let’s get the fuck out of this place!”

“YEAH!”

With that, the four of them left the not-so-abandoned abandoned warehouse, through the back door and towards a bright bright sky.