Chapter #19 – A Yaoi Fangirl’s Dream Come True

“Ugh…” A young man lay on a bed – or what might have passed for a bed, had it not been a fucking hammock – with a hand over his face. His face was wracked with pain, and a groan made its way through his lips. His other hand swung slightly back and forth from the side of the hammock, devoid of life. “I… I don’t think… I’m going to… make… it…”

“No! You have to get better!” Tears streaming from his eyes, a young man who knelt beside the hammock grabbed his tormented friend’s hand and clung onto it as if his life depended on it. The young man’s long silver hair shook as the young man trembled in sorrow, and he leaned over his friend. Looking at his friend’s face, he drew nearer and…

“Jesus Christ, the fucker only got RickRolled! And that was two hours ago! Ismaru, you’re exaggerating, you jackass!” The tender friendship between two friends was interrupted by a girl with fiery hair, who leaned against the doorway, her lips curled in a frown. “God, do I need to set you fuckers on fire to get you to stop this drama? Am I right, Aine?”

Aine’s face was flushed red, as it had been ever since Fortenra had leaned over Ismaru. The girl seemed oblivious to Toastie’s words, only whispering a few words under her breath over and over, so quietly that none of the others could hear what she was saying. “…iss him…” Aine looked up to see the rest of her friends staring at her, and her embarrassment overloaded her brain. Steam seemed to come out of her ears, the the timid young girl hid her face behind her hands, shaking her head in a mixture of ecstasy and shame. “Noo~ don’t look at me like that!”

“…” Toastie gaped at her friend before turning back to Ismaru and Fortenra. “So~ anyways, I’m bored. Let’s go do something!”

“Y… you… bitch… I’m in… no co… condition… to…” Ismaru coughed, and fell silent.

“No, Ismaru!” In shock, Fortenra leaped forward to measure Ismaru’s temperature… which he did by putting his forehead against Ismaru’s. Their faces were inches away from each other, and the tender look in Fortenra’s eyes…

“… Eeep!” Blood dripped down from Aine’s nose, and the young girl fainted in an overload of pure joy.

“Eh? What happened to Aine?” asked Fortenra, who had finished taking Ismaru’s temperature.

“… I honestly have no idea.” Toastie shrugged.

— Some Mysterious Base —

“Amigo~ I’m hungry~” whined Sibeiko, as he clung on to his boss by the arm, a pitiful expression on his face. His eyes were wide and teary, and his lips quivered. The young man trembled in agony. “Isn’t there anything to eat in this place? No fridge? No kitchen? I… I’m so… hungry~~!”

“Quit your whining, Sibeiko. It’s unseemly.” A figure walked into the room, drying off his long black hair with a towel. As he came under the light, it became obvious that he was wearing nothing but a towel over his waist, and his slender yet muscular body was out for all to see. With a shake of his head, the water in his hair flew all around him, and time seemed to slow down, as if to stare at the man’s wet, luscious body as long as it could. “Besides, you had breakfast a few hours ago.”

“Ah, ease up on the fellow.” Amigo slung his arm over Sibeiko’s neck and dragged the young assassin close to him, a grin on his face. At first glance, the two of them seemed like brothers… except the difference in clothing. And hair color. And hair style. Actually, they didn’t seem like brothers at all. Just two good friends. Very, very good friends.

“… What’s with you? I’ve rarely seen you this happy,” remarked Shoy, walking towards his room. There was a creak as the door opened, a slam as it closed and another creak three seconds later as Shoy walked out, fully dressed. One had to wonder exactly how he’d managed to do such a thing… but then again, women seemed to do it all the time. “Usually you’d be shouting and bitching and shit.”

“Eh, I won a sports bet.” Amigo grinned, and brought out a gigantic wad of cash from his pockets. “And not only did I make enough money to make up for my previous losses, I also killed the fucker and took the rest of his money!”

“… Isn’t that just plain robbery?” Shoy raised his eyebrow and glanced at Amigo in mild amusement. “What’s the use of being so happy about winning the bet when you were going to take all his money in the first place?”

“No, no, no.” Amigo smiled, and wagged his finger at Shoy, as if to tell off a naughty child. “You see, I wasn’t going to take his money in the first place. But when he yelled at me for winning… well, that’s when he went to far. I was totally justified in killing him and taking his money. The insult was unneeded, you see? What I did was compensate myself. Don’t you think so, Sibby my boy?”

Sibeiko looked up at Amigo. “You going to buy me food if I agree?”

“Sure, why not? Sibby, my boy, I’m fucking rich! Hell, I’ll even take you along too, you worthless swordsman!” Despite Amigo’s words, his tone was quite jovial. Indeed, nothing made Amigo happier than money, money and more money. And some more money.

“Food! I love you, Amigo!” yelped Sibeiko, as he tackled Amigo in a hug. Laughing, the two of them rolled around the room, wrestling in a playful manner. Soon, the two of them were hot and sweaty, and Amigo lost his tacky tropical shirt in the process. Had a certain young girl been around, she would have lost enough blood to fill a bath tub.

“… You guys are…. morons.” Shoy sighed and walked out of the room, shaking his head. Oh, the agony. Was he to be the only sane man in this place? Society had taken a turn for the worse, and he was cursed to live with a bunch on ingrates who failed to view life in a serious manner. “Agh… I’m going to meditate.”

On his way to his meditation chambers, Shoy bumped into a figure, who fell to the floor with a slight yelp. Kneeling down, Shoy gave his hand to help the figure up, and his eyes opened widely in shock. “… Roy?”

“… Yes?” It was Roy… but was it? Instead of a red-haired man who looked like a woman, there was an actual woman with long red hair. Surely it could not be Roy. Roy was man, regardless of how girly he appeared. However, this woman wore the same lab coat that Roy always wore, had on his glasses and even the same eyes.

“W… what in the world happened to you?” asked Shoy, confused. Most people would have reacted in the exact same way.

“Oh… this and that. I was trying to cook pasta when, BOOM!” She-Roy threw her arms up in the air as she spoke, “and then I was all like, oh noes! And then I tried to stuff a few chemicals in the microwave and then I turned into a woman.”

“… Oh. I see.” Despite Shoy’s utterance, he did not seem to understand at all.

“Comprehende, ques no amigo?” asked Roy playfully, shrugging with nonchalance.

“Roy… I don’t even think that’s a language.” Shoy sighed, and walked away with a hand to his head. “Oh, for the love of Christ, I need some fucking asprin.”

“I can lend you mine~” called Roy, but this call was promptly ignored.

— Some Mysterious Mansion of the Count of Monte Cristo —

“I need to do more stuff.” The Count of Monte Cristo sighed, and took a sip of tea. “Really, really, really.”

— Some Mysterious Museum —

“… and that makes the three hundred and forty fifth bag of peanuts in this place.” Grinning, a small figure threw the last of the bag of peanuts into the large sack behind her, and laughed loudly, ignoring the stares of the people in the museum. With a flamboyant wave of her cape, the young girl hoisted the sack over her shoulder and jumped onto a pillar. “AND THUS, DOES PEANUT SMUGGLER STEAL YET ANOTHER MASS OF PEANUT BAGS!” With that, the girl broke a window and fled. A few people clapped. The rest stared.

“Psst, didn’t that look like that girl? Peanut Smuggler? From school?” asked one young man to his friend. “I mean, the Peanut Smuggler has the exact same hair style, wore the exact same thing that Peanut did to school today and even has the same name!”

“But she couldn’t be! I mean, then it would be way too obvious!” replied his friend, another young man. “I mean, think about it! What kind of thief would go around doing things without disguises and a fake name? Plus, this was done in broad daylight!”

“Yeah, you have a point there…” The young man put a hand to his chin, thinking. “Hey, dude.”

“Yeah?”

“You want to do things in a suggestive manner that might give people wrong ideas?”

“Eh, sure, why not? Let’s share a salad and make it seem like we’re making out just for the hell of it.”

— Some Mysterious Room in Some Mysterious Orphanage —

“Come on, you bastards! Let’s get going! I wanna do something fun!” raged Toastie, tired of watching Fortenra look over Ismaru. With a yell of annoyance, she kicked Fortenra on the back, and the young man was pushed forward forcibly against his will.

Flailing his arms wildly, Fortenra fell forward to the hammock where Ismaru lay, and…

SMACK!

“Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii~ kyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~~~~!!!!!!!!” Aine squealed in joy and put her hands to her cheeks, her eyes wide open to etch the scene in front of her in her memory forever. Really, she could have been killed this moment and she would not have given a damn. The scene in front of her was what she had been meant to live for. Her entire life, she felt, had all been for this exact moment. The others, however, did not share her bliss.

“Abu… bu… bu…” spluttered Toastie, her tongue caught in her throat. The impact of what she had done seemed to have driven the poor young girl in shock… but then again, she had brought it upon herself. Besides, if she was in shock, then what could be said of Ismaru and Fortenra, who were in an even worse position?

“…” Ismaru’s eyes were open wide in catatonic shock.

“…” It was the same for Fortenra.

“Ki… ki… ki… ki… ki… KISS! A KISS!” yelped Aine in joy, wishing that she had brought her camera with her.

“AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!” With a roar of rage, Ismaru dashed forward from his bed and slammed into Toastie, stabbing at her repeatedly with his dagger. The shocked Toastie did not bother to retaliate… or perhaps she did not because she felt guilty about her actions. “FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Fortenra simply remained unmoving, his face on the pillow where Ismaru’s head had rested. His eyes twitched uncontrollably, but save that, he did not move. It was like a vegetable, especially if that vegetable had been kicked on the back and locked lips with his best friend via said kick in the back.

When Triskellion and Veliofi came to the room to check out the mess, they found the group in need of serious medical attention. Aine had lost more than half the blood in her body – it was a miracle that she managed to stay alive – from nosebleeds, Fortenra was in catatonic shock, Toastie’s body was all over the place – though then again, she could easily revive, and was not really in need of medical attention – and Ismaru seemed to be suffering from a mixture of withdrawal, angst and rage.

“What… the fuck happened here?” asked Triskellion to himself, wondering what in blazes could have caused so much devastation to a group of highly skilled fighters. A RickRoll was deadly, for sure, but even a RickRoll could never have caused this amount of destruction… right?

The young man had no idea how wrong he was.