“Hey, is that for real?”

“Wow, what’s up with that?”

“Are they on crack or what?”

“Jesus, don’t they have anything better to do with their time?”

In the school grounds, a group of student in the middle of physical education looked up at the roof of the school, where four of their own – that is, students – stood waving a gigantic banner enthusiastically. Well, at least one of them was enthusiastic. The other three were a mixture of reluctance, annoyance and fear. The banner fluttered in the wind akin to the manner a limp corpse floated on a river, except that it was a banner, not a corpse, and that it was in the air, not on the water. So, in a way, it wasn’t really akin. Perhaps a more suitable way of putting it would have been totally unlike the manner a limp corpse floated on a river.

Sanity’s eye twitched slightly, but save for that minor reaction, nothing else happened. Well, a few students random threw themselves off the fifth floor for no apparent reason, but save for that, nothing else happened. Besides, students died all the time. A few more dying wouldn’t change anything.

The reason for all the ruckus? The words on the banner, which read “BE OUR FRIEND, SANITY” in bright red. That, and the fact that the four students were shouting the same thing. Well, at least one of them were. Two of them were muttering, and one was trying his best to look away, as if to say that he wasn’t a part of the whole thing. Not that anyone bought it.

“Sanity, be our fried… our friend…” Fortenra’s words decreased in volume continuously, until he was simply mouthing the words. Not that it made any difference. After all, a whisper from a roof would never reach a person on the ground, unless said roof was like, on the first floor. So to the students below, the fact that Fortenra had stopped talking out loud really made no difference. “God, we look like idiots.”

“Sa~nity~! Be~ ou~r~ fr~ien~d~!” yelled Aine at the top of her lungs in joy. She loved these kind of things. Making friends was a hobby of hers, and one that she rarely got to do, as Sniperville Academy did not condone the making of friends. It was kind of like how science did not condone the making of artificial life. But then again, in Sniperville, rules, ethics and values were about as valuable as a needle in a haystack. After all, needles were easy to come by. What kind of idiot would search for a needle in a haystack? “Be~ our~ friend~ please~!”

“Ismaru, stop looking to the side and help out too, you bitch!” snarled Toastie, her face red with a mixture of shame and rage. It appeared as if Toastie, while not having any problem with her own antics, was easily embarrassed when forced to participate in the antics of others. Which was pretty silly and hypocritical, really.

“…” Ismaru pulled his ninja mask higher, to cover up his blush, and spoke not a word.

—

The following events take place between 12 and 1PM.

“Hey, Sanity! You wanna sit with us?”

Sanity turned around with what mind have passed for an incredulous expression on her face. Anyone who knew Sanity would not have recognized the girl. But then again, nobody knew Sanity in the first place, so nobody recognized the fact that she had what might have passed for an incredulous expression on her face. That, and the fact that her face remained almost as expressionless as usual. The only thing that had changed was the fact that her eyebrow was a bit higher than usual.

A bead of sweat rolled down Toastie’s back as she wilted under Sanity’s glare. “Um… you don’t need to if you don’t want to…”

“Jesus, either sit down or fucking move, bitch! I’m hungry and I need my meat!” snarled Ismaru, still rankling from what the humiliating experience on the roof. All things considered, perhaps his hostility was justified.

Then, with all the eyes in the cafeteria upon her (though then again, there weren’t that many eyes, as most had fled upon Sanity’s arrival) the girl began to walk towards the table where Ismaru, Fortenra, Aine and Toastie sat. Was it a moment of beauty? A holiday miracle? The reforming of a demon? Had the true spirit of friendship, as shown by the group, touched her heart? Everyone’s breath caught in their throats as Sanity stood in front of the table, her arms hanging loosely at her sides.

With a mouthful of food – he could not be bothered to wait – Ismaru looked at Sanity. “Mmrgh mmmm grrrrph mmmmngh!”

At Ismaru’s words, Sanity reached out… and flipped the entire table over. Food flew in the air and drinks splattered everywhere, if Ismaru was everywhere. While Fortenra, Toastie and Aine had managed to move away in time, Ismaru, who had been in the middle of eating, was caught in the mess. Then, without another word, Sanity walked away, leaving the carnage behind her.

Ismaru fell to his knees, staring tearfully at his meatloaf lying listlessly on the floor. “My… my meatloaf…”

Fortenra shrugged. “You probably deserved it.”

—

The following events take place between 1 and 1:10 PM.

“Eh?” Ismaru paused in the hallway as he sensed a malevolent presence surrounding his body. His muscles tensed, and the young man reached for the dagger he kept hidden in his ninja mask. Exactly how he’d managed to hide a weapon in a small piece of cloth, no one knew. Hell, no one even knew that he kept a dagger there, so perhaps it was to be taken for granted that no one knew how he’d managed to hide said weapon in said small piece of cloth. “Who the fuck is doing that shit?”

The hallway seemed to grow darker, or was it the lights going out? Suddenly, the hallway was void of all life, or, rather, it was becoming void of life as the other students in the hallway began to either die with fear in their faces or run away screaming. Dark tendrils covered every nook and cranny of hallway and Sanity slowly made her way across. How slow? Very, very, VERY slow.

—

The following events take place between 1:10 and 1:20 PM.

“My God, you’re fucking slow,” complained Ismaru, with his hands to his hips, as Sanity finally reached the area right in front of him. He crossed his arms and scowled. “What the fuck do you want?”

“…” Sanity simply glared at Ismaru. Then again, she might not have been glaring. Who knew? Most of her face was covered by her long and writhing hair, and it was pretty much impossible to figure out where she was looking. Then again, she stood right in front of Ismaru, so perhaps the young ninja was not wrong in thinking that she was glaring at him.

—

The following events take place between 1:20 and 1:30 PM.

“Seriously, what the fuck do you want?”

“…”

—

The following events take place between 1:30 and 1:40 PM.

“Seriously, bitch, you keep on staring at me like that and I’m going to stab you. With a knife. Made for stabbing.”

—

The following events take place between 1:40 and 2:00 PM.

Ismaru was at the end of his nerves. “BITCH, YOU BETTER-”

Out of nowhere, a fist flew towards Ismaru’s face. Then again, perhaps it was not out of nowhere. After all, it had come from Sanity. Caught by surprise, Ismaru was nearly hit by the fist. Nearly. But really, nearly dying was nothing like actually dying, and nearly winning a lottery was nothing like actually winning the fucking thing. As such, while the fist was fast, furious and fucking surprising, it was also a failure.

With a simple side-step, Ismaru moved out of the way before taking out his dagger and pointing it at Sanity. “Bitch, I’m going to kill you!”

Before he could do so, however, Sanity’s hair grabbed him by the arm, and the two of them made eye contact. Violent images flew into Ismaru’s head, and within seconds the young man was out cold, lying on the floor like the meatloaf he had so tragically lost in the cafeteria. A shadow of what might have been a smile flitted on Sanity’s face for a split second before vanishing into nothingness. Picking up the dagger Ismaru had dropped, Sanity then leaned over Ismaru…

—

The following events take place between 2 and 2:30 PM.

Aine and Toastie had not been trying to spy on Sanity. In fact, they had not been trying to spy on anyone at all. They had just been rifling through the tapes in the security office of Sniperville Academy in search of where their science teacher might have placed the answers to next week’s exams, when Toastie had chanced upon the standoff between Ismaru and Sanity. Then instead of ignoring the footage, she began to play it despite Aine’s protests. Aine’s protests themselves died as the two of them watched what had transpired in the last 10 minutes of the standoff.

A sudden noise caught Aine’s attention, and the girl looked back, surprised, while Toastie continued watching.

“Oh, shit,” uttered Toastie, as the realization set upon her. “I… I can’t believe it.”

“What is it, Toastie? What have you figured out?”

“Sanity… that girl… she… she…” Toastie paused and gulped. “You need to see for yourself,” she muttered, rewinding the tape.

In the screen, Sanity placed a kiss on Ismaru’s bare lips. His ninja mask was in shreds, having been cut off by the dagger in the girl’s right hand.

Aine’s eyes were wide. “Sanity… she…”

Toastie nodded. “Sanity’s in love with Ismaru!”

- To Be Continued…

An old and wise-looking man sat on the edge of his chair, looking at the young girl in front of him. The young girl might have been beautiful, but years of neglect had taken their turn on her. Her long blue hair covered up her entire face, writhing and moving about as if alive. Indeed, rather than hair, they seemed to be tendrils or tentacles. It was as if an alien had landed on the girl’s head and taken over her mind.

Yet, none of this unnerved the physician. He was old, and old people generally had loads and loads of experience in dealing with stuff. Hell, the old man was married, for God’s sake, and married people go through virtually hell. Dealing with a troubled young girl – weird living hair or not – was nothing compared to dealing with his bitch of a wife. The man fondly put a hand on his copy of Dr. Phil’s Therapy For Idiots and smiled. Ah, the book that had allowed him to get up to this point in life. He had read the book over and over, up to the point where he could pull out any line from the book at any time.

Chapter 11, Dealing With Angsty Teens. Page 234, paragraph 2.

‘… When a child is in angst, the best thing to do is to get rid of the angst. This is done by reaching out to the child in a kindly manner. Attempt to connect with the teen – use pop culture references to make the teen feel assured. Do not use big words; such things tend to frighten the children. Talk about the things that children enjoy. Britney Spears, Pokemon, that new movie about beam swords… anything is game! Also, never forget to use physical contact…’

A devout follower of Dr. Phil, the physician reached out to the girl, and put a hand on her knee. He opened his mouth, about to bless this troubled young girl with the teachings of the Great Dr. Phil…

“Don’t touch me.” A small voice, but a steady one. A strong one.

“Eh?” The physician blinked, unsure if he had heard correctly.

“I said don’t touch me, Dr. William Ingleberry. I don’t want some child molester touching me.”

The physician’s eyes opened wide, but the man composed himself. “I… I don’t know what you’re talking about, young girl.”

“Oh, please.” The girl looked up, and the doctor felt a chill go down his spine as he stared into her eyes, which peaked out from the folds of her hair. They were eyes of death. The physician had seen that look only once before in his life, when he had looked into the eyes of a man who had dared to cross Oprah Winfrey and suffered the repercussions. “I know all about you, Mr. William Ingleberry. Don’t you remember what you did to that child a few years ago? How she screamed and begged and cried for help? But you wouldn’t listen, would you?”

“Y… you’re lying!” The therapist pushed his chair away and jumped to his feet. His copy of Dr. Phil’s Therapy For Idiots dropped to the floor, forgotten, and the man lunged towards the girl, grabbing her shoulders. “I never did such a thing!’

“LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES!!!!!!!!!!!” screamed the girl, stunning the old man. The ferocity of her anger caused the man to drop to his knee, and he lifted his head to find the girl’s face inches away from his. “I know everything you did, Mr. Ingleberry. That name, it’s been tormenting you for so long, hasn’t it? Ever since you were a kid, that name’s been haunting you. Isn’t that why you went after that little girl? Because she reminded you of the little girl that tormented you while you were young?”

“No… no… no… no no no….” Distraught and in despair, the therapist held his head in pain, and wept.

“Now, Mr. Ingleberry, let’s take you to meet the little girl, shall we?” From the girl’s body a great amount of dark tendrils came out, and the girl grabbed the man by the throat. There was a slight muffled scream, and then silence, as the darkness enveloped the two of them.

A minute later, and the darkness receded. The psychiatrist lay on the floor, mangled and with a horrible expression on his face. The girl stood up, and walked towards the door, noticing the paper holder on the desk near the door. Pausing, she picked the object up and looked at the words written on it. “Hmm… Dr. Stanley Roberts. I got the wrong name. Looks like he was innocent, after all. Ah, well.”

The girl tossed the paper holder away and walked away.

— Someplace, Sometime —

“And all I remember is waking up on my bed.” Ismaru scratched his head and sighed. “Yo, Fortenra, you remember anything?”

“Nah, dude.” Fortenra shook his head, confused. “All I remember is pain… pain… and lots of pain. Then some extremely blissful medicine that made me forget all the pain. Everything felt so good after that… I don’t even want to remember.”

“Oh, but I do!” Aine raised her hand in the air with gusto and enjoyment. “You guys ended up ki-”

“Killing a bunch of bastards who sprayed you with some extremely painful hallucinogenic gas,” cut in Triskellion, covering Aine’s mouth to prevent her from talking any further. The young accountant of the Sniperville Orphanage wondered what in the world could have turned the timid Aine into, well, this. To think that a simple kiss between two young men could trigger such a reaction in a girl… then again, he knew Vel, and Veliofi wasn’t exactly sane of mind herself. “It made you see some bad stuff, so we got you cleaned.”

A lie, in reality. The trauma that the two young men had suffered had forced them to lie comatose in the bed for two days before Triskellion had finally taken them to a therapist to have their memories suppressed. Even then, the procedure had taken a few hours.

“So anyways, WOAH!” Ismaru jumped to the side to avoid bumping into a young girl who had been walking forward. The young ninja glared at the girl. “What the fuck, bitch?”

“Hmmm?” was all the girl uttered before she stared into Ismaru’s eyes. The young shinobi gasped at the look in her eyes and stepped back in shock. The girl smiled. “Tell me, young Ismaru, what did it feel like to be in his warm embrace? To feel your lips lock onto his-”

“AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The simultaneous screams of Ismaru and Fortenra caused Toastie to cover her ears in pain, and Aine waited with bated breath to see if they’d kiss again. Sadly, they did not. Instead, the two of them broke down and fell to their knees, sobbing. With a smirk, the girl walked away, leaving a trail of darkness in her wake.

— Someplace, Sometime —

“Who was that girl?” asked Toastie, while watching her two friends being injected with a variety of drugs. PCP, pain-killers, aspirin, sleeping pills, heroin and on and on… it would be a miracle if the two of them emerged from the procedure with their sanity intact, especially if they took another blow like that again.

“Eh?” Triskellion looked up from the magazine he was reading. “That was Sanity. Sanity Eater. We call her Sanity of the Mindfuck. She’s in the Sniperville Orphanage. I’m surprised that Ismaru and Fortenra didn’t recognize her. For that matter, I’m pretty sure she goes to some of the same classes as you guys.”

“Huh. Never knew that. You’d think that I’d have noticed something like that over the years.”

“… Totally.” Triskellion then resumed his reading, ignoring Toastie’s musing.

— Someplace, Sometime —

“So, I somehow feel like I’ve forgotten TWO things, you know?” wondered Ismaru as he walked through the halls of Sniperville Academy.

“Tell me about it. I’m feeling deja vu. Or whatever the fuck they call it. Hell, I’m getting one now. Walking in a hallway… I think I might meet up with someone.” Fortenra narrowed his eyes in annoyance. “I hate these feelings. Moreover, all this medication is making me woozy. I can’t even see properly.”

“We’re late for class, you know?” remarked Toastie, looking at her watch. “Unless we run, we’re going to miss the first few minutes of class.”

“Ah, dilemma, dilemma. What to do?” Fortenra held a hand to his cheek and rubbed it, thinking. “To miss class or not to miss class… which is the obvious thing to do? It is a question of utmost importance. Once that requires ages and ages of thought… and I have come to this conclusion. I don’t give a fuck if we miss the first few minutes.”

“I am all for Fortenra’s decision, captain!” remarked Toastie, saluting.

“I as well!” followed Ismaru, saluting as well.

“… Aren’t we going to, MEEP!” Aine meeped as the rest of her friends glared at her. Though the girl upheld ideals of honor and truth, even she could not resist the stares of her friends and crumbled under peer pressure. Ah, true friendship? Or simple coercion? Or cruel blackmail? “I mean, I’m fine with missing a bit of class, too…”

“So, walk it is!” exclaimed Ismaru, and walk they did.

— Someplace, Sometime —

And miss class they did. Though Fortenra doubted that the teacher would have objected.

It wasn’t because Sniperville Academy had loose rules regarding attendance. It wasn’t because the teacher didn’t care who came to class or not. It wasn’t because the teacher had won a lottery and had left school to enjoy his winnings. It was because the entire class was dead.

“… You again?” A simple question, low in key and tone.

“Um… have we met before?” asked Fortenra, confused. He was sure that he’d never met this girl before, with her swirling hair and an aura so dark and evil that even the Devil himself would shake like a bitch in front of her. Yet, there was this nagging feeling at the back of his head…

“Um… have we met you before?” asked Ismaru, confused. He didn’t know why, but his natural instincts were telling him to be polite. It was warning him that, if he even dared to piss her off, he’d suffer repercussions. Hell, his body was telling him that this woman was even more dangerous than Shoy or Q, and that was something.

“Oh, have you forgotten? When I-”

“HI THERE SANITY I’M TOASTIE AND THIS IS FORTENRA AND ISMARU AND AINE AND I’M SORRY BUT WE HAVE SOMEWHERE WE NEED TO BE GOING WHICH IS JUST AS GOOD SEEING AS YOU KILLED OFF THE CLASS AND NICE TO MEET YOU BYE!” screamed Toastie, before grabbing Fortenra and Ismaru by their collars and dragging them away. “LET’S GO AINE!”

“…” Aine stared at Sanity for a few seconds, and the other girl at her. Then, nodding her head once in greeting, she flounced after Toastie. “Wait up, Toastie!”

“…” Sanity looked at the receding figure of Aine, and stared at her hands for a few seconds. “… She’s immune?”

— Someplace, Sometime —

“Um… why did we run away again, Toastie?” asked a timid Aine, watching Fortenra and Ismaru attempting to gasp for breath as their collar dug into their necks.

“I am not going to deal with a bunch of crying wimps again, Aine! I’m not, I tell you, I’m not!”

“Not what?” came a familiar voice.

With a yelp of shock, Toastie stopped in her tracks – or at least tried to. Instead of coming to a screeching halt, she slid across the hallway, tripped on a fallen trash can and fell down with a crash, letting go of Ismaru and Fortenra as she did. The two pitiful males, still attempting to breathe, were sent flying into the air, smashing into the nearby lockers upon their descent.

“Wow, Toastie, you need to work on that,” remarked Peanut, while Insomnesiac stood stoically behind her.

FWOOSH!

Toastie revived in a sea of flames with gusto, only to cower when she noticed Peanut standing near her. “Um… hi, Peanut.”

“So, Toastie, what’s the rush? Do you really hate your cousin this much?” With an expression of feigned pain, Peanut put a hand to her chest. “It hurts my heart, Toastie, to realize that I am despised by my own kin. I thought there was a bond of trust, a pact of blood between us! Was I mistaken, Toastie?” Peanut leaned in closer, until her face was inches apart from Toastie’s. “WAS I MISTAKEN?”

“N-NO, MA’AM! I HAVE NOTHING BUT LOVE AND HONOR AND RESPECT FOR YOU!” yelped Toastie in desperation, the fear apparent in her eyes. “INDEED, THERE IS NO ONE THAT I LOOK UP TO MORE THAN YOU SO PLEASE DON’T GET SO CLOSE TO ME!”

“Anyways, I saw you were with Sanity.”

“… Uh-huh…” whispered Toastie, not yet seeing the point that Peanut was trying to make.

“I want you to help her.”

“H… help?”

“Yes, help. The girl’s suffering from some problems, and I’d like to help her find a true smile. Everyone needs to be able to smile with purity, don’t you think?” As if you illustrate her point, Peanut smiled brightly. It was a pure and beautiful smile, one of childlike innocence and utter bliss. It also drove a spike of terror into Toastie’s heart.

“Eh, why do we have to do that kind of crap?” Ismaru, who had managed to recover, leaned against a wall, his arms crossed. “Do a bunch of work for some girl we don’t even know.”

“I’m agree with what he said,” remarked Fortenra, dusting himself off.

“Toa~stie?” called Peanut in a sing-along voice, her eyes sparkling with innocence.

“… Ismaru, Fortenra, we’re helping Sanity.”

“Fuck no!”

“Yeah, I don’t think I want to.”

Peanut’s smile grew wider, which Toastie did not fail to notice. Grabbing the two of them by the throat, Toastie slammed the two of them against a wall and began to apply heat to her arms and hands. Soon, it was like a sauna for Ismaru and Fortenra, except not the good type that allows one to rest, but rather the bad type. The one that burns a man to death. Slowly, but surely, Toastie repeated herself.

“WE. ARE. HELPING. THE. GIRL.”

“… Yes, ma’am.” The answer was synchronized. Truly, fear was a great motivator.

— Someplace, Sometime —

As she watched Toastie drag the emasculated two young men with her while Aine followed, Peanut sighed and popped open a bag of peanuts. With concern in here eyes, she looked back at Insomnesiac, who had not moved from the spot. “You think they’ll be alright, Insom?”

“…” Insomnesiac stood still and did not move.

“Yeah, I know what you mean. They’re not kids anymore, and they should be able to do this stuff by themselves. But still, you know?”

“…” Insomnesiac still failed to move.

“What, are you miffed about them leaving you in the graveyard?” Peanut giggled, and grabbed Insomnesiac’s sleeve. “Come on, Insom, we’re going to be late for class.”

Insomnesiac nodded, and the duo left the hallway, leaving the area empty and devoid of life… except for the two friends sitting next to the lockers, a lone student reading a book in the corner, a group of students discussing something and a teacher – or at least the top half of a teacher – lying down on the floor.

It was going to be a long, long day, and all of them were out of bubble gum.

“No! You have to get better!” Tears streaming from his eyes, a young man who knelt beside the hammock grabbed his tormented friend’s hand and clung onto it as if his life depended on it. The young man’s long silver hair shook as the young man trembled in sorrow, and he leaned over his friend. Looking at his friend’s face, he drew nearer and…

“Jesus Christ, the fucker only got RickRolled! And that was two hours ago! Ismaru, you’re exaggerating, you jackass!” The tender friendship between two friends was interrupted by a girl with fiery hair, who leaned against the doorway, her lips curled in a frown. “God, do I need to set you fuckers on fire to get you to stop this drama? Am I right, Aine?”

Aine’s face was flushed red, as it had been ever since Fortenra had leaned over Ismaru. The girl seemed oblivious to Toastie’s words, only whispering a few words under her breath over and over, so quietly that none of the others could hear what she was saying. “…iss him…” Aine looked up to see the rest of her friends staring at her, and her embarrassment overloaded her brain. Steam seemed to come out of her ears, the the timid young girl hid her face behind her hands, shaking her head in a mixture of ecstasy and shame. “Noo~ don’t look at me like that!”

“…” Toastie gaped at her friend before turning back to Ismaru and Fortenra. “So~ anyways, I’m bored. Let’s go do something!”

“Y… you… bitch… I’m in… no co… condition… to…” Ismaru coughed, and fell silent.

“No, Ismaru!” In shock, Fortenra leaped forward to measure Ismaru’s temperature… which he did by putting his forehead against Ismaru’s. Their faces were inches away from each other, and the tender look in Fortenra’s eyes…

“… Eeep!” Blood dripped down from Aine’s nose, and the young girl fainted in an overload of pure joy.

“Eh? What happened to Aine?” asked Fortenra, who had finished taking Ismaru’s temperature.

“… I honestly have no idea.” Toastie shrugged.

— Some Mysterious Base —

“Amigo~ I’m hungry~” whined Sibeiko, as he clung on to his boss by the arm, a pitiful expression on his face. His eyes were wide and teary, and his lips quivered. The young man trembled in agony. “Isn’t there anything to eat in this place? No fridge? No kitchen? I… I’m so… hungry~~!”

“Quit your whining, Sibeiko. It’s unseemly.” A figure walked into the room, drying off his long black hair with a towel. As he came under the light, it became obvious that he was wearing nothing but a towel over his waist, and his slender yet muscular body was out for all to see. With a shake of his head, the water in his hair flew all around him, and time seemed to slow down, as if to stare at the man’s wet, luscious body as long as it could. “Besides, you had breakfast a few hours ago.”

“Ah, ease up on the fellow.” Amigo slung his arm over Sibeiko’s neck and dragged the young assassin close to him, a grin on his face. At first glance, the two of them seemed like brothers… except the difference in clothing. And hair color. And hair style. Actually, they didn’t seem like brothers at all. Just two good friends. Very, very good friends.

“… What’s with you? I’ve rarely seen you this happy,” remarked Shoy, walking towards his room. There was a creak as the door opened, a slam as it closed and another creak three seconds later as Shoy walked out, fully dressed. One had to wonder exactly how he’d managed to do such a thing… but then again, women seemed to do it all the time. “Usually you’d be shouting and bitching and shit.”

“Eh, I won a sports bet.” Amigo grinned, and brought out a gigantic wad of cash from his pockets. “And not only did I make enough money to make up for my previous losses, I also killed the fucker and took the rest of his money!”

“… Isn’t that just plain robbery?” Shoy raised his eyebrow and glanced at Amigo in mild amusement. “What’s the use of being so happy about winning the bet when you were going to take all his money in the first place?”

“No, no, no.” Amigo smiled, and wagged his finger at Shoy, as if to tell off a naughty child. “You see, I wasn’t going to take his money in the first place. But when he yelled at me for winning… well, that’s when he went to far. I was totally justified in killing him and taking his money. The insult was unneeded, you see? What I did was compensate myself. Don’t you think so, Sibby my boy?”

Sibeiko looked up at Amigo. “You going to buy me food if I agree?”

“Sure, why not? Sibby, my boy, I’m fucking rich! Hell, I’ll even take you along too, you worthless swordsman!” Despite Amigo’s words, his tone was quite jovial. Indeed, nothing made Amigo happier than money, money and more money. And some more money.

“Food! I love you, Amigo!” yelped Sibeiko, as he tackled Amigo in a hug. Laughing, the two of them rolled around the room, wrestling in a playful manner. Soon, the two of them were hot and sweaty, and Amigo lost his tacky tropical shirt in the process. Had a certain young girl been around, she would have lost enough blood to fill a bath tub.

“… You guys are…. morons.” Shoy sighed and walked out of the room, shaking his head. Oh, the agony. Was he to be the only sane man in this place? Society had taken a turn for the worse, and he was cursed to live with a bunch on ingrates who failed to view life in a serious manner. “Agh… I’m going to meditate.”

On his way to his meditation chambers, Shoy bumped into a figure, who fell to the floor with a slight yelp. Kneeling down, Shoy gave his hand to help the figure up, and his eyes opened widely in shock. “… Roy?”

“… Yes?” It was Roy… but was it? Instead of a red-haired man who looked like a woman, there was an actual woman with long red hair. Surely it could not be Roy. Roy was man, regardless of how girly he appeared. However, this woman wore the same lab coat that Roy always wore, had on his glasses and even the same eyes.

“W… what in the world happened to you?” asked Shoy, confused. Most people would have reacted in the exact same way.

“Oh… this and that. I was trying to cook pasta when, BOOM!” She-Roy threw her arms up in the air as she spoke, “and then I was all like, oh noes! And then I tried to stuff a few chemicals in the microwave and then I turned into a woman.”

“… Oh. I see.” Despite Shoy’s utterance, he did not seem to understand at all.

“Comprehende, ques no amigo?” asked Roy playfully, shrugging with nonchalance.

“Roy… I don’t even think that’s a language.” Shoy sighed, and walked away with a hand to his head. “Oh, for the love of Christ, I need some fucking asprin.”

“I can lend you mine~” called Roy, but this call was promptly ignored.

— Some Mysterious Mansion of the Count of Monte Cristo —

“I need to do more stuff.” The Count of Monte Cristo sighed, and took a sip of tea. “Really, really, really.”

— Some Mysterious Museum —

“… and that makes the three hundred and forty fifth bag of peanuts in this place.” Grinning, a small figure threw the last of the bag of peanuts into the large sack behind her, and laughed loudly, ignoring the stares of the people in the museum. With a flamboyant wave of her cape, the young girl hoisted the sack over her shoulder and jumped onto a pillar. “AND THUS, DOES PEANUT SMUGGLER STEAL YET ANOTHER MASS OF PEANUT BAGS!” With that, the girl broke a window and fled. A few people clapped. The rest stared.

“Psst, didn’t that look like that girl? Peanut Smuggler? From school?” asked one young man to his friend. “I mean, the Peanut Smuggler has the exact same hair style, wore the exact same thing that Peanut did to school today and even has the same name!”

“But she couldn’t be! I mean, then it would be way too obvious!” replied his friend, another young man. “I mean, think about it! What kind of thief would go around doing things without disguises and a fake name? Plus, this was done in broad daylight!”

“Yeah, you have a point there…” The young man put a hand to his chin, thinking. “Hey, dude.”

“Yeah?”

“You want to do things in a suggestive manner that might give people wrong ideas?”

“Eh, sure, why not? Let’s share a salad and make it seem like we’re making out just for the hell of it.”

— Some Mysterious Room in Some Mysterious Orphanage —

“Come on, you bastards! Let’s get going! I wanna do something fun!” raged Toastie, tired of watching Fortenra look over Ismaru. With a yell of annoyance, she kicked Fortenra on the back, and the young man was pushed forward forcibly against his will.

Flailing his arms wildly, Fortenra fell forward to the hammock where Ismaru lay, and…

SMACK!

“Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii~ kyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~~~~!!!!!!!!” Aine squealed in joy and put her hands to her cheeks, her eyes wide open to etch the scene in front of her in her memory forever. Really, she could have been killed this moment and she would not have given a damn. The scene in front of her was what she had been meant to live for. Her entire life, she felt, had all been for this exact moment. The others, however, did not share her bliss.

“Abu… bu… bu…” spluttered Toastie, her tongue caught in her throat. The impact of what she had done seemed to have driven the poor young girl in shock… but then again, she had brought it upon herself. Besides, if she was in shock, then what could be said of Ismaru and Fortenra, who were in an even worse position?

“…” Ismaru’s eyes were open wide in catatonic shock.

“…” It was the same for Fortenra.

“Ki… ki… ki… ki… ki… KISS! A KISS!” yelped Aine in joy, wishing that she had brought her camera with her.

“AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!” With a roar of rage, Ismaru dashed forward from his bed and slammed into Toastie, stabbing at her repeatedly with his dagger. The shocked Toastie did not bother to retaliate… or perhaps she did not because she felt guilty about her actions. “FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Fortenra simply remained unmoving, his face on the pillow where Ismaru’s head had rested. His eyes twitched uncontrollably, but save that, he did not move. It was like a vegetable, especially if that vegetable had been kicked on the back and locked lips with his best friend via said kick in the back.

When Triskellion and Veliofi came to the room to check out the mess, they found the group in need of serious medical attention. Aine had lost more than half the blood in her body – it was a miracle that she managed to stay alive – from nosebleeds, Fortenra was in catatonic shock, Toastie’s body was all over the place – though then again, she could easily revive, and was not really in need of medical attention – and Ismaru seemed to be suffering from a mixture of withdrawal, angst and rage.

“What… the fuck happened here?” asked Triskellion to himself, wondering what in blazes could have caused so much devastation to a group of highly skilled fighters. A RickRoll was deadly, for sure, but even a RickRoll could never have caused this amount of destruction… right?

The young man had no idea how wrong he was.

Toastie: FORTENRA!

Fortenra: TOASSSSTTTTTIIIIIEEEEE!!!!

Toastie: FORTEEEEENNNNRRRRAAAAA!!!!

Fortenra: TOOOAAAASSSTTTTIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Toastie: FOOOOORRRRTTTTTEEEEENNNNNRRRRRAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Fortenra: TOOOOO-

Elton John: And I guess that’s why they call it~ the bluuuuuuueeeeeesssssss~~~~!!!

Fortenra: Who the fuck left the radio on?

Q: Hey, I like Elton John!

Fortenra: Fuck you!

Toastie: Why is this happening again?

It is not clear where Kashi was born, or where he lived, but it is presumed that he was indeed born in Sniperville. The fact that he owns a Resonance Soul is proof of such. He lived with an old woman who might or might not have been his grandmother in a house that might or might not have belonged to the old woman who might or might not have been his grandmother.

He harbored a crush on his childhood friend Rin, but this tragic love would never come to fruition, as Rin and his entire village were killed off by roaming bandits. Kashi would be spared from this fate, as he had been away from the village at the time. Upon returning, Kashi would witness the death of those he held dear, and ensure that none of the bandits survived. In the aftermath, Kashi would gather the surviving orphans of the village and become their guardian, bringing them to Sniperville along with him.

Kashi’s Resonance Soul is the Distance Head, which allowed him the manipulate the concept of distance in an enclosed area. By rapidly decreasing the distance between himself and his opponent, Kashi could add force to his blows. Kashi would use his Distance Head to cover for his lack of physical powers, as he barely had enough power to kill a fly. A really, really big fly. Those miniature ones, he could kill. But only if he really tried hard.

Kashi’s death was brought upon him due to the restrictions imposed upon him by his own guilt. His failure to save his loved ones weighed heavily upon him his whole life, and prevented him from being able to access the full powers of his Resonance Soul. Highly ironic, considering that Kashi’s Distance Head was born from his desire to become free and grasp the skies. His arrogance was also a factor; his underestimation of Ismaru and his confidence caused him to take the young shinobi lightly.

Kashi had a fondness for children, and would often take time to feed the hungry and the poor. His favorite way of spending time was reading to children. People over his age, however, could get the fuck out. Fighting was never a part of Kashi’s hobbies, as the man preferred doing something productive with his time. After the stint with Q, he planned to quite fighting altogether and become a professional writer, who… wrote stuff… professionally. Sadly, a fiery blood sword to the chest would put an end to his dreams.

Kashi’s will will be carried on by those he took care of, those who loved him.

“Kashi~! Kashi~!”

Narrowing his eyes in annoyance, the young boy climbed further up the tree, hoping that when she came by, she would not spot him. He panted for breath as he neared the peak, and looked at the next branch in his way. The distance between his position and the branch was longer than usual, and a mis-step could kill him. It could be very, very dangerous. Kashi smiled. He would have it no other way.

Balancing himself on the branch, Kashi spread his arms out to balance himself and bent his knees slightly in order to prepare himself for the jump that might or might not kill him. Swinging himself back and forth, Kashi mentally counted down. Five… four… three… two… o-

“KASHI! YOU GET DOWN FROM THAT TREE RIGHT NOW!”

The piercing voice came out of nowhere, causing Kashi to jump up in shock. His concentration destroyed, Kashi failed to reach the branch, and time seemed to stand still for a split second. The young boy’s eyes widened as he realized what had happened. Then, time returned back in full swing, and the young boy began his involuntary descent down the tree.

“AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” yelped Kashi, flailing his arms wildly as he fell, fell and fell. Death seemed imminent, and the boy closed his eyes to mentally prepare himself for death. However, alas, no one can mentally prepare oneself from death. Death is like a mega ultra bitch who pops up and screams when you’re walking down a long long hall. With that in mind, Kashi began to scream again. “AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!”

A flicker, and a flash. As he watched, Kashi could see a blur rushing towards him. Was it death? Was he, as the old man who ran the market said, going towards the light? Or…

“Geeze, Kashi, you could have died, you know that? Stop making me worry about you all the time!”

Kashi looked up, realizing that he was in the arms of a girl his age, who had run up the tree to catch him before making her way back down by using the branches as steps. Ashamed that he’s ended up being saved by her again, the boy refused to look the girl in the eye and turned his head to the sound, pouting. “If you hadn’t shocked me, I could have made it, you know. Why do you have to keep bothering me? I hate people like you!”

The girl blinked in surprise and shock at Kashi’s words. Her lips quivered, and a tear formed on her eye as she landed on the ground. This, however, went unnoticed by Kashi, who continued to look the other way. Her face flushed red with anger, and she dropped the young boy on the ground. Unprepared for the fall, Kashi fell unceremoniously, and rolled on the floor before being able to stand up.

“What the hell was that for?” asked Kashi, annoyed.

“Hmph! I don’t know, you jerk!” Biting back tears, the young girl ran away, leaving the boy confused and alone.

“… You’re the jerk.” Kashi glared at a random stone on the ground and kicked it with vengeance. “Not knowing how I feel…”

— Back In Town —

“Ha ha ha… so you had a fight with Rin again, Kashi?” asked the old lady, patting the boy on the head. The old woman and the boy sat on the porch swing of a house, swinging – as people on swings are apt to do – with the wind. Though time had taken away the woman’s youth and vigor, it had yet to dim the light in her eyes or dull her brain. She looked down on the boy fondly, handing him a cookie as she continued speaking. “Now, why would you make such a nice little girl cry, my child?”

“But… she’s so annoying whenever she keeps looking for me! I could have reached the top of the tree if it hadn’t been for her!” whined the boy, looking at the cookie in his hands. Was he going to eat it? Was he going to stare at it? Was he going to eat it? Was he going to stare at it? Was he going to eat it? Was he not? It was an intense battle of wits and tension as Kashi glared at the cookie for a few more seconds before finally cramming the entire thing in his mouth at once. Then again, he was a young boy, and such acts are only to be expected of boys his age.

“Ahhh…” The old woman grinned, realizing what the child had been up to. “So that’s why you’ve been doing that.”

“D… don’t get the wrong idea, old lady!” yelped Kashi, his face red. “I… it doesn’t mean anything!”

The old woman smiled, unaffected by the boy’s blatant disrespect for her. She was not one of those shallow-minded people who took offense at every single little thing. Old age had given her wisdom, and it had also given her patience. “If you say so, child.” Standing up from her chair, the old woman walked towards the door of the home. “Well, I shall be making chowder today, if I do say so myself. Come in when you’re finished playing, dear.”

“Kay.” With that, Kashi stood up, his eyes resolute and determined.

“Where are you off to now?”

“I’m going to say sorry to Rin.” Then noticing the old woman’s smile, Kashi flushed. “I… it doesn’t mean anything! I’m just going to say sorry!”

The old woman simply walked into the house, her smile growing wider. “If you say so, dear.”

— Rin’s Home —

“Um… umm…” Kashi looked down at his feet, his hands behind his back, at a loss for words. It was strange. He’d had everything planned out as he’d walked over, but now that he was standing in front of Rin, he could not talk for some reason. Perhaps, just perhaps, it had something to do with the fact that Rin was angry. Kashi had never seen her this angry before. “I’m… um…”

“Hurry up and say what you were going to and go away, you meanie!” yelled Rin, her face red.

“Meanie?” At that word, Kashi forgot his original purpose and stuck his tongue out at Rin. “I was going to say sorry, but now I’m not going to! You’re ugly and I hate you!”

“Rrrrrrrr! I hate you too, Kashi!” screamed Rin, slamming the door in his face.

“… Damn it! I messed up!” Kashi raged, and kicked a tree with his foot, before grabbing his foot in pain and falling to the ground.

— Four Years Later —

“Yah!” Kashi leapt forward, reaching for the final branch. The greatest hurdle in his path. For some reason, the distance between the two last branches was over two meters, something that was impossible for Kashi to reach. This time was no different. “AAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!”

THWACK! SNAP! CRASH!

Branches snapped as Kashi fell to the ground in a fall that would have killed any normal human. Not Kashi, however. He might not have been the best athlete in the world, but years and years of falling down a tree had given him an incredible amount of durability and stamina. Pulling himself up, Kashi glared at the tree and shook his fist at it. “Tomorrow, asshole! Tomorrow I’ll get to the top!”

— In Town —

“Hey, look, Rin. It’s Kashi. He’s all beaten up as usual,” observed a girl to Rin, as the two of them drank lemonade while sitting on a fence.

“Hmph! I don’t care about him!” Rin did her best not to pay attention to Kashi, whom she had not spoken to since that day they’d fought. Despite that, her eyes betrayed her, straying to the side and watching as Kashi stumbled towards his home, and against her own wishes her face turned red. “I… I don’t like him! Really!”

“… If you say so.” Rin’s friend took a sip of lemonade, and focused on other things.

— Five More Years Later —

“Rrrrrgh! GOTCHA!” A yell of triumph! Kashi could have cried in joy. Finally, FINALLY he had managed to reach the top of the tree. Grinning, the young man looked down at the small flower on top of the tree. A flower of myths, a flower of legends. One of incredible beauty. Legend had it that this flower bestowed upon its owner happiness and eternal love. The flower that had taken him nearly ten years to get to. With trembling hands, Kashi reached down to pick the flower, thinking of the circumstance that had allowed him to reach the top.

— A Few Minutes Ago —

At first, it was no different than any other time. Kashi stood on the second top branch, looking at the top branch. The branch that had plagued his dreams. The sole thing that stood in his way. To be truthful, Kashi was on the verge of giving up. Nearly ten years of disappointment. A long long time of pain and torment. If he failed this time, he felt that he would not have the will to attempt it again. This time. This time, he would get it. He WOULD get it.

Kashi hopped slightly on the branch, planning to use the springing force of the branch to reach the top branch. Bouncey bouncey bouncey… With a “Hup!” the young man leapt upwards… upwards and upwards… and his hand failed to reach the top branch, just centimeters short of it. His mouth open in a small ‘o’ shape, Kashi realized that he had failed yet again. But this time, it was different.

“Shit! No, not this time! I’m not going to give up! NEVER!” With a yell, Kashi reached forward with his other arm, and something inside him snapped. Was it just him, or did the branch seem to be… closer? He concentrated even harder, and Kashi realized that he was not hallucinating. The branch was getting closer, yet he was falling. Why? No time to think! Kashi spent his entire force into shortening the distance between himself and the top branch, and finally, he was able to grasp it. As he did…

“The fuck?” Kashi gasped. When he had last checked, the distance between the two top branches had been over two meters. Now, it was less than a meter. It was as if… the tree had shrunk? Or… Kashi looked at his hands. The feeling had been real. Exactly what was it?

— On The Ground —

In joy, Kashi began to run towards the village, a smile etched on his face. Finally, he had it. An effort that had taken ten years, but he’d finally done it! It seemed as if he could travel faster than ever now – it was as if the distance between him and the village was shrinking at an extremely fast pace. It was then that he saw the smoke rising from the horizon. Smoke… why? There had been no event scheduled for the town, no reason for there to be so much smoke…

Feeling uneasy, Kashi increased his pace and ran at full speed to the village.

— The Town —

“Old… old lady?” Kashi fell to his knees, looking at the corpse in front of him. The house that had served as his home since his childhood had been burnt to the ground, and all that remained was the dead body of the kindly old woman who had fed him, cherished him, cared for him and taught him. “This… this is a joke, right? It’s… it’s just a really bad joke, right?”

He shook the corpse, as if believing that doing such would bring it back to life. Tears dripped down from Kashi’s eyes as the truth set upon him. “No… no no no no no no no!” He stood up and began to step away, unable to take his eyes off the corpse. It was then that he remembered something. “Rin!”

The old lady was dead, but perhaps, just perhaps, he could save her. The flower forgotten, Kashi ran and ran and ran, stopping in front of her house. It was then that he saw her. “R… Rin?”

“Ka… Kashi?” Rin lay on the ground, her entire body covered in blood. A large gash ran down her arm, and blood blossomed on her chest like a crimson flower. “Thank… God… you’re… safe… At least… you…”

“No! NO!” With a wail of anguish, Kashi knelt down beside her and held her by the hand. “No, Rin! You’re going to make it! Please tell me you’re going to make it!”

“Heh… why are you crying… you… jerk? I… though… you ha… ted… me…” Rin slowly closed her eyes as the embrace of death came upon her, her grip on Kashi’s hand loosening. She smiled slightly, accepting her incoming death. She beckoned for Kashi to come closer, and the young man obliged. She put her free hand on Kashi’s cheek, and whispered, “You know… the truth is… I always…”

Tears fell from Rin’s eyes, and the young woman’s hand fell to the floor, never to move again.

“No… NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Please, Rin, please!” Kashi tried in vain to shake Rin awake, to no avail. Tears flowed from his eyes and the young man punched the ground repeatedly, screaming.

“Heh heh heh heh heh… So, there are more survivors?”

Kashi’s head snapped up, and he turned to face a group of large men with a great deal of weapons. “What… did you just… say?”

“I’m saying, I’m shocked to find out that there are more of you bastards alive. I thought I killed them all! Like that bitch here! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!” The man in the lead laughed, and the men behind him laughed along with them.

“You… you… you…” Kashi slowly stood up, his arms hanging loosely and his face devoid of emotion. “You… BASTARDS!”

In a flash, Kashi was standing in front of the leader, and his hands were a blur as they snapped the man’s neck. In a split second, Kashi had taken the sword from the man behind the leader, and disemboweled him. With a roar, he tore the throat off the next man, and glared at the remaining ones, who ran away in fear.

None of them made it out of the town alive.

— The Next Day —

Kashi stood in front of a gigantic graveyard, one that had been dug overnight. Each of the deceased had been buried, with special care to the graveyards of the old woman and Rin. A tombstone rested in front of each grave, with a simple name on each one of them. Standing with Kashi were a group of children, who had survived the assault on town. It seemed as if their parents had hidden them in order to spare them, and now Kashi was all they had left to look up to.

“Rin… I’m… sorry.” Kashi reached into his pocket, bringing out the flower that he had picked. “Guess what? I found this on the floor while burying everyone.” Kneeling down, Kashi placed the flower on Rin’s grave, and smiled sadly. “You know, it seems kind of stupid. I spent ten years trying to get this flower to prove my love for you, and it turns out that I never needed to do such a thing. Funny how people never realize these kind of things until they’ve lost what’s important to them. But you know what? As long as I’m alive, this flower will never wilt. Cause it’s my love for you… and stuff. I’ve never been… good at this kind of… crap.”

A child tugged on Kashi’s sleeve, a somber expression on her face. “Kashi… will I never see mommy again?”

Kashi pat the girl on the hand, and smiled sadly. “I’m sorry, Eliza, but… she’s gone to a better place now.”

Eliza nodded, and her lips quivered as the truth finally set on her. With a small wail, the girl flung herself onto Kashi’s chest, followed by the rest of the orphans, joining in one gigantic group hug.

— Two Years Ago —

“Kashi, are you sure that you want to do this?” asked Eliza, balancing a pile of towels on one hand while holding a child by his hand on the other. “I mean, it sounds really dangerous.”

Many years had passed since the massacre of their hometown, and Kashi and the orphans had settled in the center of Sniperville, making a life for themselves. Each of the children were now fully grown, and the home that Kashi had bought was now a miniature orphanage, where they took in lost children regularly.

Kashi nodded. “The pay’s good, and this Q guy seems to be decent. If the job goes through, then we won’t have to worry about financial problems anymore. I’m counting on you and Albert to take care of the rest while I’m gone, okay?”

Eliza sighed. “Fine, fine, fine. But you better return, okay?”

Kashi smiled. “Eh, no worries. Who do you think I am? I’m fucking Kashi, the greatest man ever!”

“Woah, the ego,” muttered Albert under his breath as he walked by. He was promptly smacked upside the head. “Ow!”

“Well, youngsters, the man of the house is off!” With a flamboyant motion, Kashi grabbed a top hat from the hat rack and walked off into the night.

— Present, Night —

Q stood on the roof of Kashi’s home, sighing. In his right hand was a briefcase full of money, the same briefcase that he had taken from Rick the day he’d left. On his left was a letter. And on his head was a top hat. The man made sure that no one was around to see him, and jumped down. Placing the briefcase, the letter and the top hat at the doorstep, he pressed the doorbell and vanished from sight. None too soon, for the door was opened a few seconds later by Eliza.

From the roof of the house across the street, Q watched as Eliza picked up the letter and read it. The young woman trembled, and fell to her knees, sobbing. Then, Albert appeared and held Eliza to prevent her from breaking down completely, half-carrying and half-dragging her inside, while another young woman carried the top hat, the letter and the briefcase inside.

“I’m… sorry you had to die, Kashi. If I could turn it back, I would. But… such a thing is beyond my power. This… is the least I could do for you.” Q bowed his head down, and then slipped into the shadows.

Nothing stirred in the night.

— Kashi’s Hometown —

On a grave, with a tombstone with the words Rin on it. While everything else in the town has crumbled and withered, the flower remains in perfect condition. However, suddenly, it begins to wilt, and it’s petals float away in the air.

There is no one to witness, and the flower fades into nothingness.

“Sorry, bossman. The dude, Q, got away, too.” Despite his words, Gambol did not seem very sorry. Indeed, his eyes were half-closed. It seemed as if he wasn’t even paying attention to his employer’s words. He had just returned from the abandoned warehouse, and marks from his fight with Q were evident. His clothes were tattered, there was a black spot under his eyes, a small amount of blood dyed his shoes and his hair…  his hair was fabulous.

“Ah, no matter. This Q, he does not matter in the long run. An insignificant pest. We shall be rid of him sooner or later, I suppose. If the girl was to be captured that easily, then there would be no fun in this business.” The Mysterious Unknown smiled in his mysteriously unknown way, though the dark lighting of the room kept Gambol from seeing said smile. “Besides, I’ve had my bit of fun. I truly wonder how those children will react to the small… ‘clue’ I given them…”

Gambol tilted his head to the side, mildly confused. However, this confusion was momentary – the man soon returned to his nonchalant, wearied and sleepy state.

The Mysterious Unknown continued to sip at his coffee.

— Sniperville Orphanage, Night —

“So anyway, Trisk, we want you to decode this,” said Ismaru, handing Triskellion a piece of paper with a long list of codes written on it. The piece of paper had once been known as the crumpled up piece of paper with nothing written on it, but having been smoothed out and written on, it was now a smoothed out piece of paper with a code written on it. Just as to be expected of someone of Ismaru’s caliber, the code on the paper was an exact copy of the one that had been written on the screen – Ismaru had managed to memorize it to the last symbol.

“… And why the hell should I do this for you guys?” An annoyed Triskellion took the piece of paper and glared at the two young men in front of him. “You idiots broke the bloody curfew. Why the hell do you think we have rules here in the orphanage?”

“As a great philosopher once said, rules were made for breaking, and then shoving down the throat of the motherfucker who made them,” quoted Fortenra, while Ismaru nodded at his sage advice. There was no mark of guilt or apology on his face, which served to annoy Triskellion even further.

Triskellion narrowed his eyes. “Don’t try to piss me off any further. You came in three hours, fifteen minutes and thirty-nine seconds after the curfew. Moreover, you made Vel drop the bag of groceries that I’d sent her to buy, and she had to buy them again. That means I had to take $26.43 out of my own freaking wallet, seeing as the higher-ups refuse to pay for things like that. I have to run this entire place on a limited budget, because the incompetents up there prefer to sit on piles of fucking money, and you bastards want to tell me what to do?”

“If you don’t, I’m giving Vel the address of your new girlfriend.” Ismaru smiled, holding up a card with black symbols – typically called letters and numbers – on it.

Triskellion gasped, and his face turned white. “You wouldn’t.”

Ismaru smiled. “I so would.”

“Grrr… fine! I’ll do it!” Stuck in a corner, Triskellion slammed the smoothed out piece of paper with a code written on it, turning it into a not-so-smoothed out piece of paper with a code written on it, and swiveled his chair around so that his back was turned to them. “Now go, you morons. Go go go. I’ve got shit to do. Balancing taxes, calculating expenses, planning out schedules and meetings… what the fuck did I do to deserve such a fate? Agh, this is annoying! I swear to God, I’m going to…” Triskellion rambled on and on, not realizing that Ismaru and Fortenra had walked away in the middle of his complaints.

— Room 404, Sniperville Orphanage, Night —

“So, how in hell did you get the address, Ismaru?” asked Fortenra, sitting down in his bed. Or, at least, what served as a bed in the Sniperville Orphanage. Instead of a mattress, a pillow and a blanket, there was a tattered hammock hanging from the ceiling and a small piece of cloth. Moreover, there was no light in the room, only a window from which the moonlight shone through. Then again, it did not seem to bother the two young men much. After all, they had been living in these conditions since their birth.

“Huh?” Ismaru, who had been trying to sleep, sat up, and stared at Fortenra blankly.

“You know, the address. The one that you blackmailed Trisk with.”

“Oh… that? I made that up. It was a complete bluff.” Ismaru grinned mischievously, and lay down once more.

“You are a fucking genius, dude.” With a small laugh, Fortenra lay down himself, and was soon asleep.

— Toastie Mansion, Night —

“TOOOOOAAAASSSSSTTTTTIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!! Daddy’s been worried about you~~!” With a yell that was possibly closer to a yelp, Circle Shaped Bread leapt forward and hugged his daughter tightly, tears falling from his eyes. Few people would have realized that this man, who was fawning over his daughter, was ranked as #32 among the top martial artists in the world, and the winner of the 62nd World Martial Arts Tournament. This man, with his intimidating height, flaming red hair, demonic eyes and fiery beard, was like putty in the hands of the two women in his life.

“So, how was your day, sweety?” asked one of those two women, Added-With-A-Circle-To-Make-A-Heart Shaped Toaster, her mother. In contrast to the heated appearance of her husband, Added-With-A-Circle-To-Make-A-Heart Shaped Toaster was slim, with a cool – perhaps even cold – aura around her. With long, black hair reaching down to her waist, pale skin, icy blue eyes that seemed capable of looking through a person and dressed in a traditional Japanese kimono, she seemed to be a yuki-onnna in flesh. Few people would suspect that this beautiful woman was one of the greatest assassins in the world and a master chemist.

“Eh, nothing much, mom. Just went to a funeral for my favorite actor, got kidnapped, got killed and then I killed a bitch called Rick James. You know, the usual.” Toastie shrugged. “So, anything to eat for dinner?”

“W-w-w-w-wait, what? KIDNAPPED?” In shock, Circle Shaped Bread looked at his daughter with his mouth wide open, waiting for an answer. An answer that never came.

Ignoring her father’s state of shock, Toastie flounced into the kitchen in search of food, humming to herself as she did.

“There’s food in the fridge, dear,” called Added-With-A-Circle-To-Make-A-Heart Shaped Toaster after her daughter, before turning to glance at her husband, who did not move from his position. She shook her head and sighed, before following her daughter in the kitchen, though not before giving her husband a bit of advice. “Close your mouth, dear. If you keep it like that, it’ll stick. Besides, bugs might fly in there.”

“…” Circle Shaped Bread closed his mouth, but besides that, he did not move from his position, his eyes blinking rapidly.

CRASH.

“Oh, Toastie dear, I’m sorry. I appear to have laced your rice with arsenic trioxide. But just because you’re dead doesn’t mean that you have to fall face-forward into that bowl of soup and get the nice table all dirty. I just had your father wipe it this afternoon, you know.”

SIZZLE.

“Ho, it seems as if I replaced your soup with acid. But please don’t have your face melt all over the floor. These tiles are expensive, you know.”

“…” Circle Shaped Bread still stood in place, like a statue. A bird flew into the room, perched on his head, and then flew away.

— Mysterious Mansion, Night —

“And with that, we ended our day,” concluded Aine, reading over what she had written on her diary. Satisfied, the girl smiled, and closed the book. “Well, that’s over with. Now, it’s time to go to sleep!”

— Graveyard, Night —

“…” A figure stood in front of a coffin, staring. Staring. Staring. “…”

— Behind the Abandoned Warehouse, Sometime Before Night —

“So, what now?” asked Toastie, looking to Fortenra, who was the impromptu leader of the group, for guidance.

“Well, for the time being, let’s just go back to each of our respective homes, and then meet tomorrow at school. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I am fucking tired.” As if to emphasize his point, Fortenra yawned, and sighed. “We can get Trisk to decode this shit for us. He’s good at this kind of stuff.”

“Yeah, I’m for that, too. My body feels like it was dipped in a vat of acid, and then flayed until the skin fell off, and then thrown into a pile of sharp rocks. Then covered in salt water, before being set on fire.” Ismaru stretched his arms, and then let himself fall to the floor on his back. “Or we could just stay here and wait for death to take us.”

“Stop whining, bitch.” Fortenra kicked Ismaru on the side, forcing the young ninja to get up in pain. “So, we all agreed?”

“Eh, sure, why not?”

“Um… okay.”

“That hurts, fucker!”

“… Huh. Did you realize that we went through all this shit in one day? My God, it’s been one fucking long day. Feels like… this month has lasted over 8 months, you know?” Fortenra looked at his watch. “Ooh, man, is Trisk gonna be pissed off.”

Toastie began to walk, before realizing something and stopping in horror. “… Oh, shit. Did we leave Insom back at the graveyard?”

— Sniperville Orphanage, After School —

“So, Ismaru, I analyzed and decoded that thing you gave me. But I warn you, you’re not going to like it.” Triskellion turned from his computer and moved his chair to the side to allow the group a view of the computer. “You see, when decoded, it gives me a group of text and a link.”

“A… link?”

“Yes. But like I said, you’re not going to like it. So, I’ll tell you this now. Do you really want to see it?” Trisk’s face was grim, his face dark.

“… Of course.” With apprehension on his face, Ismaru nodded, speaking for the group.

“Fine.” With that, Triskellion first opened up the wall of text, allowing the group to get a look at it.

“I… I don’t understand,” admitted Aine, confused. Her confusion was mirrored by Ismaru and Toastie.

“Wait.. this couldn’t be…” Fortenra’s face was white, pale with shock and horror. “No, no no… not this. Not this!”

“I’m sorry, but it’s true.” With that, Triskellion clicked the link, which gave way to an Internet site, and a tune began to play.

“FUCK!” Realizing what had happened, Ismaru sword and kicked down a trash can in anger. As the tune continued, Aine and Toastie realized that the words from the site were extremely familiar.

“Never gonna give you up,
Never gonna let you down,
Never gonna run around and desert you~
Never gonna make you cry,
Never gonna say goodbye,
Never gonna tell a lie, and hurt you~!”

With infinite sadness on his face, Triskellion opened his lips. “I’m sorry… but you guys have been RickRolled.”

“Fortenra! That was awesome!” yelled Ismaru, grabbing his friend by the shoulders. “What was it?”

“T… that’s…” stammered Fortenra, a shocked expression on his face. Was the young man horrified by the extent of his true power? Or had he just murdered someone he knew? Or…

“What’s the matter, Fortenra?” Sensing something wrong, Aine (having reverted back from Opal) asked Fortenra, concern in her eyes.

“That’s fucking impossible! I didn’t do anything! The wire floated out of my hands, and I hadn’t even infused it with Decay or something! The fucker couldn’t have died from being TOUCHED by a strand of wire!” roared Fortenra, in disbelief and anger. “This is fucking bullshit!”

“…” With wide eyes, everyone in the room looked at the body of Q, laying on the floor with his arms spread and his legs together, in the shape of a cross. Or a person being crucified. Like that Mexican hippy who was said to be the son of God.

Noticing the change and tension in the air, Q opened his eyes and blinked a few times, but made no attempt to move. Instead, the man opened his mouth, and delivered a monologue that would have shamed the greatest writers in history. “Alas, I have been defeated by mere youths! Death is the price I was forced to pay for my hubris! My cold, dead corpse shall grace these concrete floors- seriously, you couldn’t get some fucking carpets? – forever! In the future, they shall write of me as a warrior with no equal, a man of integrity and honor, an intellect who was not accepted in his time… and an unmatched lover, who taught many, many, many, many, MANY women the joy of orgasms!”

Aine and Toastie, being proper (?), delicate (?), and sensitive (?) young girls, blushed at Q’s words.

With a deft movement, Q got onto his feet and wiped the dust off his clothes with a mournful expression on his face. Then, in a flash, he was standing in front of Fortenra, patting the young man on the shoulder. “Bravo! Bravo! The fates have bestowed upon you the powers to defeat me! This was no mere chance”, he continued, putting an emphasis on the word chance, “but your innate talent! As the victor of this sordid affair, you have the right to the spoils of war! Salvage my corpse and take what you find!”

“…” Fortenra, like everyone else, was too shocked to do anything.

Q rummaged through his pockets with his right hand, while holding Fortenra’s palm with his left. Then, as everyone watched, he piled Fortenra’s palm with various objects, talking while he did. “This was a pen given to me by my deceased adoptive father, who swore on his grave that he would watch over me in heaven. Ah, adoptive father of mine, how I miss you! I shall be meeting you soon, as I too, have met my maker! This pen holds many dear memories for me, but I am dead! Dead! The dead have no need for pens, for what is a pen but a device to write things with?”

“… This is a pen that you can buy in any fucking market for less than a dollar,” remarked Ismaru.

“Ah, is that so? Well, never mind, then,” exclaimed Q, throwing the pen to the ground, where it broke in half. Truly, it was a pen of shoddy quality. “I also give you the spare change I have in my pocket, a coupon for a ticket to the zoo that expired a month ago, a few exploding pellets filled with ketchup – they’re for seasoning food, I swear! – some pieces of lint and string to make up for the loss of your wires, a miniature model of Aron from The Epic Tales of Kimberly – it’s a limited collector’s item! – and a crumpled up piece of paper with nothing written on it!”

“Holy fuck, it’s a crumpled up piece of paper with nothing written on it!” In excitement, Toastie grabbed the crumpled up piece of paper with nothing written on it and hugged it tightly – or as tight as you could hug a crumpled up piece of paper with nothing written on it, which isn’t very – while her friends gaped at her with open mouths and eyes. Save Fortenra, who was looking at the miniature model of Aron. It seemed as if he rather liked the figurine. “… What?”

In another split second, Q was standing in front of Rick, his former employer. Sobbing, he hugged the man before letting forth another volley of words. “Rick, my man, what can I say? We had a good run! I’m sorry I couldn’t have protected you! But be assured, I did try my best! I fought hard and I fought long! I gave it my all! Even when things seemed their darkest, I was simply no match for these prodigal fighters! Please don’t worry about burying my body! I am content to rot forever, to pay for my sin of not being able to do my job! Oh, and I know that you’re a kind man who’ll support my family after my death! Ah, see here,” Q picked up a case full of money and took it for himself, “you have already considered it! I am moved and touched, dear friend! My adoptive father will need the money, seeing as he lost his job and-”

“Wait, didn’t your adoptive father die?” asked Ismaru, his hand up in the air.

“I have two adoptive fathers! Maybe even three! Who knows? Either way, this money shall be used to support my adoptive father, my wife, my children and two random old people in a home for the elderly! Now, don’t mind me! Carry on with your business! I am but a hindrance to you all, so I make my leave! Also, remember to leave by the back door next to the chair! Ta da! Farewell! Good bye! Au revoir! Wiedersehen! Tally-ho! Sayonara! Aloha! Adios, amiiiiiiiiigooooooosssss~” finished Q, as he ran out the front door. He was soon a spec in the distance, leaving nothing but confusion and bewilderment in his wake. Truly, Q was the troll of trolls.

“…” The group stared at darkness that Q had disappeared into, but only for a short while. In the end, the four friends agreed that it would be best for their mental sanity and health if they didn’t dwell on the matter, and turned their attention to Rick.

“So…” Toastie’s hands were burning, burning, burning. “You tried to sell me, you fucking son of a bitch. Time to pay for your actions, right, Rick?”

A shiver went down Rick’s spine.

—

“Hirun, wake up.” A faint voice, calling to him. Yet, everything remained dark. Where…

“Mmmmm… just lemme sleep a bit longer…” Hirun ignored the voice and rolled the other way, trying to grasp on the few blissful moments that came to those being woken up from a deep sleep. However, the voice was not the type of voice to let Hirun do what he wanted.

“Get the fuck up, you jackass!”

THWACK!

“AGH!” A jolting pain on his side caused Hirun to sit up abruptly, coming face to face with a leg. Well, in that case, would it not be face to leg with a leg? It wasn’t as if the leg had a face painted on it, or God forbid, an actual face. It was just a leg. And connected to that leg was… “Oh, hi, Q. Whazup?”

“Job’s over, moron. Kashi’s dead, Philip is dead – or at least I hope he is, seeing as being alive in his current state would be worse than death itself – and I’m dead. You’re all that’s left. Therefore, you’ve got to live! Live, young man, for the rest of us!” With that, Q pulled Hirun up to his feet, and began walking towards the exit of the room, not bothering to wait for the Emperor of Sound.

Rubbing his eyes, Hirun followed Q, still half-asleep. “So, Kashi and Philip and you’re dead, huh… Wait. You’re dead?”

Q nodded. “I’m dead. Therefore, I can’t fight for Rick anymore. And this money is to support my family.”

Hirun smiled. “You are one devious fucker, Q.”

“I’m insulted.” With a shocked expression – though to be truthful, only his mouth and eyes could be seen, as the rest of his face was covered by a mask – Q put a hand to his heart. “I have lived my entire life on the values of decency and truth! Lying to someone is a foreign concept to me! What makes you think that I’m the sort of cruel villain who’d cheat his employee out of money simply because he was too lazy to fight! What makes you think that I’m aim a kick at a young man’s wires just to make it seem like my demise was totally by accident? What makes you think that I’d just set off a few exploding packets of ketchup to make it seem like I got totally owned, just so that I could take advantage of the chaos to steal some money? I am insulted, Hirun, insulted!”

“Sure, why not?” Hirun sighed. No use trying to reason with Q. It was then that he sensed it. “Shit!”

“… And who might you be?” Q looked at the man standing in front of the warehouse with narrowed eyes.

“I’m… uh… Gambol. Yeah, that’s it. Gambol.” Scratching his head with a dazed look on his face, Gambol opened his eyes. Apparently, he had fallen asleep while standing in front of the door hinge. Blinking a few times to clear his vision, he looked up. “So, I don’t suppose you have the girl with you? I was sent to pick her up.”

“Sorry, dude, mission’s over. I died.” Q smiled, and attempted to push his way past Gambol. A bad idea. Gambol’s foot caught him in the chest, and Q went flying across the room, smashing into a wall. As the dust cleared, a great deal of dollar bills flew around in the air, and Q pulled himself out of the wall, irritated. Despite the force of the blow, Q did not seem to be hurt; it seemed as if the suitcase had taken the brunt of the attack. Looking at the busted suitcase in sadness, Q sighed. “Now I have to kill you. Hirun, you may go.”

“Sure, why not?” Noticing Gambol blocking his way, Hirun brought out one of his bells – he had picked up the ones he had used before the rest were destroyed by Ismaru – and threw it at Gambol’s head. The man moved his head to the side, and there was a jingle. Appearing behind Gambol, Hirun began to walk away, waving his had to Q as he did. “Bye, man! Had fun working with you!”

“… I don’t think I should be letting you get away.” Gambol held his hand up, and a lance of ice formed in the air. He aimed it at Hirun, preparing to send the unwitting young man to his doom. Before he could do so, however…

THUD!

Q’s fist collided with Gambol’s face, sending him sprawling on the floor. The masked man grinned. “Revenge, bitch.”

Gambol sighed. “Now I have to kill you.”

“… Weren’t you already planning to do that?”

“… Oh, yeah.” Gambol scratched his head.

—

The burnt corpse of Rick added a bit of decorum to the otherwise gloomy room, and the stench of burning flesh caused Ismaru’s stomach to rumble, while giving Aine a green face. Toastie looked at her latest masterpiece, and smiled. “I think, and I might be a bit biased here, that I’m the greatest fucking artist ever.”

“A bit?” Ismaru looked at Toastie incredulously.

“A bit.” Toastie nodded.

“Heh. A limited collector’s model of Aron.” Fortenra smiled down at his newfound treasure fondly, and wrapped it around Toastie’s crumpled up piece of paper with nothing written on it in order to protect it from the elements. Putting it in his pocket, the young man turned to Toastie, and sighed. “Look, Toastie, I’m sorry I was insensitive about Jolly Bastard Jim’s death. Really, I am.”

“… Say what now?” Toastie stared Fortenra, confused.

“… You don’t remember why you got angry at me, do you.” This was not a question, but rather a declaration of resignation. “Ah, whatever. Let’s get goi-”

BZZZT.

The four youngsters looked up at the big screen that had suddenly appeared in the middle of the room. And in the big screen was…

“… Who the fuck are you?” asked Ismaru, glaring at the figure who had appeared on the screen. The figure appeared to be in a dark room, seeing as none of them could make out what he looked like.

“Ah, I see you’ve killed Rick. What a pity. I was so hoping that he’s succeed this time, so that I could get my hands on the Phoenix Heart. But, a loss is a loss. I suppose that I’ll have another chance to get a hold of that power.”

“Like I said, who the FUCK are you?” demanded Ismaru, annoyed.

“Now, it wouldn’t be so amusing if I gave you my identity right away, would it? I shall, however, leave you with a clue that might help you realize who I am. Ta ta for now!” The figure disappeared from the screen, and was replaced by a large number of signs, letters and numbers in a complex order. After three seconds, the symbols flickered, then vanished off the screen, which promptly exploded. The shrapnel managed to miss Fortenra, Aine and Ismaru, while burying themselves into Toastie’s body.

“Huh. You got the thing memorized, Ismaru?”

“Yeah, dude.” Ismaru conveniently happened to have a photographic memory, and his training as a ninja had given him a vision and reading speed that far surpassed the majority. “I got it all here.”

“Then… let’s get the fuck out of this place!”

“YEAH!”

With that, the four of them left the not-so-abandoned abandoned warehouse, through the back door and towards a bright bright sky.

Episode 2 – Epic in Motion
Kimberly, having set out on his journey, realizes that he does not have sufficient funds to fight the evil god. Thus, in order to earn money, he becomes a mercenary and takes on the job of killing a giant spider that is terrorizing a village. However, the giant spider is too strong, and Kimberly finds himself on the brink of death…
Ratings: 2/5

Episode 3 – The Epic Appearance of Aron
Just before Kimberly is killed, he is saved by his childhood friend, Aron, who dispatches the spider with one deft slash. Aron attempts to convince Kimberly to ransack the village, but Kimberly’s foolish values prevent him from doing such a thing. As such, Aron beats Kimberly half to death, ransacks the village himself, and goes on his way. Kimberly wakes up to find the village destroyed and its inhabitants killed, and vows to kill Aron once and for all.
Ratings: 5/5

Episode 4 – Kimberly’s Epic Choice
Returning to the man who hired him to stop the giant spider, Kimberly is arrested and thrown in jail for the murder of the village, though in actuality Aron is to blame. In jail, Kimberly sorts out his thoughts, and decides that he will become a warrior of justice and light, one who spreads goodwill and inspires courage in others. He is then conveniently freed by a man who says that someone as noble as Kimberly could not have slaughtered a village, and is hired as the man’s bodyguard.
Ratings: 0.5/5

Episode 5 – To be Epic, or Not to be Epic
The man who freed Kimberly reveals himself to be Lord Benjamin of the Samsam family. Benjamin tells Kimberly that his land is under attack from a cruel and evil child who steals a grain of rice each day, and asks Kimberly to find, torture, mutilate and then kill the evil child. Convinced that he is doing the right thing, Kimberly seeks out the child, and finds out that the child is stealing the grain of rice to feed himself and his family. Now, Kimberly is stuck with a choice to make. To kill and hungry child who steals to survive, or to let the poor thing live…
Ratings: 2/5

Episode 6 – Doing the Epic
Kimberly tortures, mutilates and kills the child, then proceeds to do the same to the child’s family. None are spared.
Ratings: 5/5

Episode 7 – Epic Titles
Under the name of the noble Lord Benjamin Samsam, Kimberly continues to wreak havoc and destruction on the minions of evil. Hunting down numerous children, Kimberly violently kills them all, judging them to be guilty of crimes against mankind. For his deeds, Kimberly is given the title of Head Knight of the Samsam family. After receiving the title, Kimberly proceeds to kill Lord Benjamin and takes control of the Samsam family, all in the name of good and justice. Now, the young man has an army of his own to fight the forces of darkness.
Ratings: 3/5

Episode 8 – Epic Through the Night
Marching towards the kingdom of the Dark Lord Jim Bob Diggory at night in order to assassinate him righteously, Kimberly and his forces are set upon by none other than Aron, who proclaims himself to be the leader of the Dark Lord Jim Bob Diggory’s army. Aron then single-handedly wipes out Kimberly’s entire army, and challenges Kimberly to a duel.
Ratings: 5/5

Episode 9 – Aron the Epic
Aron beats the living stuffing out of Kimberly.
Ratings: 5/5

Episode 10 – Kimberly the Epic
Powered by justice, Kimberly turns the tables on Aron and defeats him. He then enters the castle of the Dark Lord Jim Bob Diggory, only to realize that he has come to the wrong castle, and is told by the gatekeeper that his arch nemesis is in another castle. Refusing to give up, in the power of love, Kimberly sets out to defeat the Dark Lord Jim Bob Diggory once and for all.
Ratings: 0/5

Toastie: FORTENRA!

Fortenra: TOASSSSTTTTTIIIIIEEEEE!!!!

Toastie: FORTEEEEENNNNRRRRAAAAA!!!!

Fortenra: TOOOAAAASSSTTTTIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Toastie: FOOOOORRRRTTTTTEEEEENNNNNRRRRRAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Fortenra: TOOOOO-

Opal: DEATH TO THE HERETICS!!!!!!!!!!!

Fortenra: This shit is getting old.

Toastie: Tell me about it.